Asian Accent, part II

I'm not as cruel as I used to be; or, maybe, I'm just as cruel as in the past, it's just that in the past I didn't realize how cruel I was being. I think the Fake Asian Accent may fall into that category.

As I said, in the very first class I taught, I faked a thick Asian accent for about 10 minutes, just to scare the students. Oh, there was a worthwhile lesson in there -- that they should ask questions if they were confused -- but it was perhaps a harsh way of getting the point across.

Still, it made for a good story. When I was in graduate school, several TA's and I were sharing war stories, and I told them how I did the Fake Asian Accent. They thought it was hilarious (guess they were just as cruel as I), and a Physics TA suggested that we replicate the experience for his "Physics for Poets" class (basic physics without much math) -- in fact, he suggested we go one better ...

The plan was this: I would come in and pretend to be the TA for the "Physics for Poets" class, and he would pretend to be an ordinary student. So the day arrives, and he's sitting in class; I walk in, wearing a borrowed T-shirt that read "Best Beer of Korea". Once again, I wait a few minutes, enough for the silence to become uncomfortable; then I introduce myself: "Ah, harro crass, my name is Kyong Bok-Soo." (I don't know where I got the name, it just came to me; if there is a real Kyong Bok-Soo out there, I apologize.) "Ah, this is, my first time as TA." The students glance nervously at each other, and I continue, "but, ha ha, is okay, is first time you HAVE me as TA!" I chuckle again, alone. If you've seen David Brent in "The Office", you have a feel for what the classroom felt like.

"So, ret's begin recture," I say. "So: how many in here watch cartoon? Bugsa Bunny?" A few students raise their hands. "So, Why E Coyote try, raunch himself cross criff. Big criff. Rong way down. Why E Coyote use catapurt." (I was proud of this little example; I had deliberately tried to find a sentence I could mangle as much as possible, and this was the result.) "So, Why E Coyote path follows Newton's Tree Raws of Motion. We sorve, using erementary differentiar equation!"

I turn to the board and start writing down some made up differential equation; remember, this is a class designed for people without math, so they are understandably upset at seeing a sudden proliferation of Greek letters and equations. The real TA leans over to the cute blond seated next to him and asks something; he and I had coordinated in advance, so I knew what he was asking: "Do you understand what he's saying?" I see her shake her head no. He leans over to the guy in the baseball cap to his right, asking something; he emphatically shakes his head no as well.

The real TA raises his hand. "Excuse me," he says, "but I don't think the professor covered this in lecture." A chorus of people chime in, "yeah", "uh huh "me either!"

I reply, "Oh, but this so simple, Newton Tree Raws of Motion."

The TA points to the book. "I've looked through the book, there's NOTHING like that in here." The crowd grows louder and more enthusiastic in their support for him.

I say, "Oh, but, is so tribiar. Erementary differentiar equation!"

The real TA raises his voice, "this is ridiculous!" Then he delivers the zinger that we have agreed on: "You know, I bet *I* could do a better job as TA than you!"

The crowd literally gasps. You can almost hear their collective panic -- what has this guy just done?!

I slam the chalk on the table. "Fine!" I shout. "YOU be TA!" I storm out.

The real TA told us over dinner that night that had to spend out fifteen minutes calming down the class: "No, really, I'm the real TA, ha ha," he told them. "It was just a little joke, ha ha." He was alive to tell us the story, so I guess the students were too relieved to beat him (or us) in a fit of righteous anger.

As I said, I didn't realize how cruel this was at the time. Just I didn't realize how cruel it was when I did for a third and final time, with an even more evil twist, to an Introductory Electrical Engineering class; but that's another story ...